Backwards

I can't seem to get back in the flow of things lately. I did great for a week. I was eating multiple small meals and healthy snacks during the day. I went to the gym 4 times which is crazy for me. I felt hungry everyday, but not uncomfortably so, more like I was successfully shrinking my stomach. I got full much faster than usual. Then came last week and that all went to hell in a hand basket. I've gained 4 lbs total since Christmas, one of which I gained during my "good" week. It's discouraging to say the least.

I've recently discovered a group of weight-loss blogs that I'm keeping up on that are full of good tips and advice. I've gotten more recipes together, none of which I've tried yet. I watched "Heavy" on A&E last night and just thought to myself, my gosh, that is me. One of the people on their actually weighed less than I do now when the 6 months of weightloss training and nutritional guidance ended. It's incredibly scary to me to think about getting to the point where I can barely fit in a car, a seat in a plane, or even walk. I feel like I'm almost there now so what is my problem?

When I went to visit my best friend Amy in Boston in September, I remember latching the seatbelt on the plane to the very last notch. And it was tight. I was horrified when I got there and we walked so much around the city that I thought I would literally start bawling because of the pain in my legs and feet (granted I was wearing horrible shoes, but still). By the time the last day came of the trip, we were sitting and resting more than we were walking. I had such a great time, but I can't deny that my inability to be mobile severely affected the success of the trip.

I constantly look at myself in the mirror these days and instead of being grossed out, I'm just shocked. Not even by how I look, I've gotten way past that point, just shocked that I still don't have it in me to change. I cannot identify the problem no matter how hard I try. I can't reteach myself to think, eat, grocery shop, exercise and live, on my own. The blogs, shows, recipes, work-out DVD's and everything else isn't going to change that. I would love to be able to do this with kind words and support, but that doesn't get me to the gym. 

The one thing I did pick up from that show, was how much I need to address the psychological aspects of this process. It's not something I can just look into or put off anymore. I'll need some serious luck finding someone who specializes in what I'm looking for in this area of the universe, that's for sure. I also need a physical trainer that will work for only me and for free, any takers?

A New No-Resolution Year

I'm back from the holiday hiatus! Actually, the absence was a lot less about the hustle and bustle of the holiday season and much more about my overall lack of energy and almost flat-lined brainwaves. I literally felt like I was barely going to make it through the rest of this pretty horrid year. Despite having a lovely Christmas with family, New Years' was what I couldn't wait for (and not because of the adult beverages!). I know there's nothing magical about a new year. You don't become a new person and the problems you had before do not cease to exist with Jan 1st coming along. Even so, I felt so good about the future after ringing in the new year with friends. It was like walking outside in the bitter cold and a gust of wind snapping you awake. I felt like this was it. It had to be the year when everything changed.
Bad luck (or maybe karma from another lifetime?) never strays far from us though and a new year could not prevent us from being side-lined in at least one way. However, we have chosen to not take the situation as a negative and just go with it. I tetered on the edge of throwing up my hands and saying ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! and just throwing in the towel. Throwing in the towel on January 3rd is really not the route I want to go for a bright, new and shiny year. I promised myself no new years resolutions just overall change.
So, I'm back to focusing on the things I can control in my life. That being my food intake and exercise for the time being. Since the new year I've been doing really well for my standards on watching what I eat. Portion control has been a biggie. I'm admittingly hungrier than usual, but I also get full faster and from smaller amounts of food. I've been doing this for 5 days and I've been able to shrink my stomach and hopefully keep it that way. I'm eating healthy snacks throughout my day. It helps to be able to go on a $215 grocery run and stock up on good things to eat. Will I get to continue doing that? Probably not, but it's a start. It's more expensive to eat healthy. Period. Sucks!

I've also been going to the gym. Have I been in everyday and doing kickbutt workouts? No, but I'm doing something consistently so far, and I'm proud of that. Here's where I need the help. I get so bored at the gym, that I want to just tear my hair out. I need some fun music to keep on my IPOD for workouts.

Think sexy-bounce-to-the-beat music like Beyonce, the Pussycat Dolls or Rhianna. I love that kind of stuff for workouts. I imagine myself as those ladies and that's bigtime motivation. I also like various tempos and styles for other parts of my workout, but for cardio--mostly tasteless and sugary pop music.
So, let me know what music motivates you, please. Cool-down, cardio, anything, I want to know!


Here's to a very happy and healthy NEW YEAR!