I can't seem to get back in the flow of things lately. I did great for a week. I was eating multiple small meals and healthy snacks during the day. I went to the gym 4 times which is crazy for me. I felt hungry everyday, but not uncomfortably so, more like I was successfully shrinking my stomach. I got full much faster than usual. Then came last week and that all went to hell in a hand basket. I've gained 4 lbs total since Christmas, one of which I gained during my "good" week. It's discouraging to say the least.
I've recently discovered a group of weight-loss blogs that I'm keeping up on that are full of good tips and advice. I've gotten more recipes together, none of which I've tried yet. I watched "Heavy" on A&E last night and just thought to myself, my gosh, that is me. One of the people on their actually weighed less than I do now when the 6 months of weightloss training and nutritional guidance ended. It's incredibly scary to me to think about getting to the point where I can barely fit in a car, a seat in a plane, or even walk. I feel like I'm almost there now so what is my problem?
When I went to visit my best friend Amy in Boston in September, I remember latching the seatbelt on the plane to the very last notch. And it was tight. I was horrified when I got there and we walked so much around the city that I thought I would literally start bawling because of the pain in my legs and feet (granted I was wearing horrible shoes, but still). By the time the last day came of the trip, we were sitting and resting more than we were walking. I had such a great time, but I can't deny that my inability to be mobile severely affected the success of the trip.
I constantly look at myself in the mirror these days and instead of being grossed out, I'm just shocked. Not even by how I look, I've gotten way past that point, just shocked that I still don't have it in me to change. I cannot identify the problem no matter how hard I try. I can't reteach myself to think, eat, grocery shop, exercise and live, on my own. The blogs, shows, recipes, work-out DVD's and everything else isn't going to change that. I would love to be able to do this with kind words and support, but that doesn't get me to the gym.
The one thing I did pick up from that show, was how much I need to address the psychological aspects of this process. It's not something I can just look into or put off anymore. I'll need some serious luck finding someone who specializes in what I'm looking for in this area of the universe, that's for sure. I also need a physical trainer that will work for only me and for free, any takers?
Oh Boone, I love you so much but you're such a pessimist. YOU CAN DO IT. You can do all of it. But you have to GO SLOW. I can't stress that enough. You can relearn everything but it is going to take a very long time.
ReplyDeleteJust think of how long you've been doing what you're doing, and now you're going to undo it all. It takes a while to re-teach yourself how to eat when you've been eating a certain way for over 20 years. But I promise if you go slow and steady it'll start to become easier and you'll pick up healthier habits quicker and the choices won't be so hard to make because you won't miss certain things after a while.
Your first baby step should be to find out what a portion looks like. You can either look on the label of whatever you're eating for what a portion should be or google the food guide pyramid. Then just make an effort to only eat a portion at a time. It'll take you a while to get used to because you'll probably do a lot of counting and measuring but it is so important to know!
If you know what a portion of chicken looks like from just eyeballing it (it took me months before I could eyeball 4 oz of chicken) then you can make healthier decisions when you're at family gatherings or out to eat. YOU CAN DO THIS!
You just need to make a new normal, you just have to teach yourself and GO SLOW. It will take a long long time and you will feel like it's uphill and that things aren't working BUT THEY WILL. You just have to give things a chance, go slow and STAY POSITIVE.
I think you should relearn how to eat before you start getting a trainer (or at least putting money into a trainer). I was on weight watchers on and off for over 6 years before I finally truly learned how to eat properly and cook properly. It takes a long time but once I figured out what worked for me it became second nature and it was easy to make healthy decisions. But you have to STAY POSITIVE and KEEP AT IT!!!!
I also think you're right on about working out the emotional/psychological stuff too. Plus you can always call me to vent about how if you see another salad you might hurt someone or that real sour cream will always taste better then the fake (but you can have more of the fake!). Take advantage of my mistakes, use me!
LOVE YOU TONS!!!
Sorry about the novel!