It's almost funny to me that my last post was about the progress I had made, when in the last 2 months since then, I've really fallen off the wagon in a big way. If there is one thing about me, I'm an all or nothing kind of person. When I'm on, I'm really on and when I'm off, wow....it's scary. I'm like that in most areas of my life. When I care about someone, it's with my whole heart and soul. When I start projects, I want to see that every detail is completed to perfection. When I make up my mind to not give a hoot what kind or how much food I'm putting into my body, it's back to border-line binge eating. That's what I've been doing off and on over the last two months.
I'd like to say I was doing well and just gradually started to get back to my old ways, but there's never anything gradual about my ups and downs with eating and exercising. Looking back at my last post, I should have known it was coming on. The mental exhaustion was a huge red flag. What I couldn't predict was that I'd also be all of the sudden going through some pretty horrid physical problems as well. I won't go into detail, but most of the time I'm completely drained of energy and in pain. We've had another significant health issue come up in our family and the worry from that can just about bury a person. I can't say that working out has been at the top of my priority list, but if I was getting some kind of help to deal with some of the psychological factors of my overall problem with eating and exercising, I might have been able to avoid getting into this place that I'm at now.
There. That is DONE. Poor me, there are my excuses, that is what I should've, could've and would've done. I'm leaving them here on this blog and they are not coming back with me. Today starts a week off of work. I really feel like I'm so incredibly overdue for a mental break from the daily grind that this alone lifts my spirits in a big way. I'm making plans for the week to do the following: take care of me. I'm going to sleep in, get our finances in order, make doctor's appointments, spend time with family and friends and do things that make me happy. I'm going to go to the gym and do what I can to get myself back in the mindset of enjoying working out (believe it or not, I had actually gotten to that place) and work my way up to what I was doing before. I'm going to go back to writing down what I eat and as of June 6ish, I'm joining Weight Watchers. I know this is a "diet" of sorts and I was all about not doing that, but I've done my homework and this seems like something I should put my good $ and faith in for the time being. I have several friends that have been very successful with it and that gives me motivation. It may not work for me, but I'm going to give it my absolute best. I don't feel like I'm starting from scratch this time because I did have a few things going that seemed to be working or at least getting me in the right direction. This makes me not feel nearly as hopeless as I thought I'd feel.
