This is my 3rd week on Weight Watchers. I didn't get to start it as early as I wanted, but a few weeks ago, I was able to bite the bullet and spend the money. I was super excited about the online program and the ease of tracking points. There is so much at your finger tips with the etools you get once you join...too much in my opinion. I don't know if I need a major tutorial or what, but I've clicked on every tab/link possible and I still don't know what half the stuff is. I'm sure it's very useful, but right now, I only use the points tracker and occasionally the recipe finder. Maybe it's me. I don't have it readily available on my phone (no smartphone here, kids!), so it annoys me to do it anywhere else but while I'm at work with a fast internet that I can just plug those babies in and see where I am point-wise for the rest of the day. Translation: I almost never use it on the weekends. We travel a lot, especially lately visiting family and spending a lot of time outdoors. I just don't use it during this time, nor do I track points by hand because I can't plug them in to decide the point value. Yes, I'm sure buying the little calculator and all the other merch. they throw at you during the meetings would be helpful, but I really don't want to spend a bunch of $. Whiny, I know right?
I initially tried just doing the online thing alone, but quickly realized the meetings would be the clincher for me. It was even more $, but I think it was worth it. Now lets look at just how "worth it" it is in the numbers. The first week I gained a pound. I wasn't too upset, because this is just how I am when I'm starting a new thing. The next week was just coming off of 4th of July parties, which of course, were nothing but cook-outs with yummy food. I went overboard. I had this terrible, embarrassed feeling walking up to the scales. I knew I hadn't even really tried and it was going to show. Big time. I lost 1.8 lbs. This week I did pretty well for myself and gained .4 lbs. Overall, I'm staying within a 1 lb weight loss/gain. I'm not doing something right, obviously. The lady at the scales gave me a sympathetic, but disapproving smile and said "Hope this week is better for you". That's all I ever go on is "hoping" this week will be different. Hope is kind of the last thing I need right now because all I do is rest on it.
I noticed that when I'm at meetings, I'm pumped. I raise my hand and answer questions, tell about my struggles and I'm more than willing to hog meeting times to get all my stuff out there. Everything that is talked about during the meetings seems so manageable and doable that I leave super positive and ready to get going on a great week. It takes little more than walking through my front door for those feelings to all but disappear. I can watch all of the moving shows on TV and think if they can do it, so can I! Almost as soon as they end, I'm over it.
For the past few weeks, I've been getting incredibly shaky when I wake up in the morning and then again right before bed. My heart does a strange skipping of beats a couple of times a day out of no where. I feel like my blodd sugar must be completely out of whack, but I'm too afraid to have it checked out. Until now, I haven't even told anyone about these symptoms. It's like I'm refusing to think that I'll ever go from pre-diabetic to actually having diabetes or something else that is caused by my weight. We are also still having trouble conceiving, which I'm also sure is due somewhat to my weight as well. Why is it that even writing out what I know doesn't convince me that my weight is no longer a back-burner problem. Even if it never truly held me back from doing anything I wanted to do in my life before IT IS NOW. It's all about right now and how the choices I'm making will effect my future, if I even have one.
I think my plan to get help in several different areas with concentrating in one area at a time is just not going to work. I need to address the psychological part of my problem while I'm looking at what I eat and for the love of God, EXERCISE for once in my life. I found an online support group that has conference call meetings on Saturdays. It's free and newbies can call in and join from around the country. I'm going to check it out tomorrow.
That's all I've got for right now. If it's beyond frustrating reading about how hard-headed/lazy I am, imagine howover myself I am at this point. One of the things we talked about at WW last week was asking ourselves what do we need to succeed at this? No matter what we come up with, write it down. Here's what I have come up with.
1. Knowledge--I need to relearn how to eat, grocery shop, cook (well, learn for the first time really).
I need to learn about what I'm putting into my body. I need to learn how to eat for fuel and
for enjoyment only.
I need to learn how to work out for MY body. Starting off by just doing something is better
than nothing though.
2. Routine-- I need to know what I'm eating at all meals and when those meals/snacks will happen.
I need to get physical activity in like it's just part of living; like it's as natural as breathing.
I need to plan my life around food and exercise because if not, I won't even think twice about it
3. Time & Money-- pretty self-explanatory. I'd like to say that eating healthy is expensive and if I had a
personal trainor than, WOW, I'd be smoking hot, but really, I don't think these are real
issues.
4. To live in a plastic bubble where there are no temptations or opportunities to over-ear or not exercise.
