12 weeks...I feel like I've been waiting for so long to get to this milestone. I know I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but this is a milestone that I've very happy to have reached! The last few weeks or so, I've been feeling less and less pregnant for many reasons and have been counting down the days and hours to get to our 12 week baby appointment today. I just wanted to hear the heartbeat and know that my baby was still in there and doing alright. Thankfully, my mind was put at ease :)
I belong to a first time moms birth month (June 2012) club online and it seems like literally on a daily basis 1-3 people say there goodbyes and wish the rest of us luck because theyve gone to their 12 week check ups and found out they lost their babies for one reason or another. I've become more and more afraid this was going to be the case with me that by the time today got here, I was a nervous wreck. I have a bacterial infection that has gotten close to getting in my kidneys and even though I was reassured the baby was fine and wasn't being hurt or put in danger as of yet (an actual kidney infection might be another story), I was still freaking out about it. I also haven't gained any weight, felt any movement and been barely sick or felt any other symptoms the past few weeks. I've read that it makes girls feel somewhat more at ease when they spend their days with their heads in the toilet because at least they know the baby is in there and they are experiencing normal pregnancy symptoms. I was even getting to the point lately where I was mentally trying to disconnect a little from the baby by not thinking about being pregnant as much and stopping talking to it, etc, JUST in case, I had lost it. Once again, no real reason to think that, but I was almost convinced when we went to the dct today. Not to mention the dream I had last night that I had actually lost the baby while at work.
Once we were there and went through my history w/ the nurse, she got the Doppler ready to listen to the heartbeat. After telling me not to be alarmed if it takes a little time to hear/find it, she started moving it all around to look for the heartbeat. After awhile, she decided to try another machine, because all we were picking up was my heartbeat. After what seemed like seriously forever, she went to go get yet another machine and I couldn't help it....the tears started to flow and I could feel/hear my own heartbeat speeding up and my breathing getting shallow. So much for that disconnecting, huh? All I could do was look at the ceiling and just say "please, please, please God". Finally, she stopped and said "oh wait I think that was it". I snapped my head up a little and strained to listen, but couldn't hear anything at all. She said it was moving around. Finally, finally we suddenly heard a tiny, strong and fast heartbeat of 163 (still higher--girl?). It was like it was saying I've been here the whole time, just hiding out! I cried of course and thankfully Josh was right next to me to comfort me through all of it. I couldn't tell for sure, but I think he and possibly the nurse, were getting worried at one point too. I feel such a huge relief that I can't even explain.
Everything else looked good so far. The dct wasn't fantastic, but she was definitely thorough. She didn't hesitate to comment on my weight and note that I really need to watch it, which I was aware of obviously. So far, I haven't gained anything yet. I think it always startles medical people when I let them know that actually, I already do drink almost nothing but water and don't eat a TON of food at every sitting. It's almost like they get a flash of "well then why do you look like you do" that comes across their face. My BP is good and the infection is getting cleared up. They took a bunch of blood to test and 3 hours later, we were on our way!
Next appt is January 5th...we will find out the gender of the baby the first week of Feb :)
