The best kind of news..EVER.

I took this Halloween off to spend with my best friend of several years, Ms. Amy, in Indianapolis. She is having twin girls in Februrary and I hadn't see her since she told us she was pregnant and was long overdue for a visit. It was so great to talk for hours about her pregnancy, the hopes and fears that come along with this time in her life and hopes and fears for even after the girls are born and grow into adults. I of course, talked about my own struggles to get pregnant over the past year and she equipped me with an ovulation kit, books and all kinds of tools to prepare for and perhaps enhance my chances a bit. She even gave me her left over pregnancy tests from the rest of the box she didn't use because those suckers are expensive. We laughed jokingly as I left to head home saying "ooo maybe these have some luck on them!".

I have been checking every single month to see if I'm pregnant, because after stopping birth control last December, I've been very, very irregular. I didn't have a period in Sept, but checked and nothing. I woke up the next day, Nov 1st and though oh what the heck, it's about that time of the month to check anyway, why not? I did my thing and rushed around to finish getting ready for work. I went back to check and gasped! There was an ever-so-slight second pink line. I said a loud "Oh my GOD!" and ran up the stairs to wake my sleeping husband to make sure I was reading it correctly. After confirming with him, we both sat there on the bed, stunned and smiling. I still didn't believe it, so I went on to work in a daze. I counted down the minutes to my lunch break and took the other test in the package. Same thing. I had to call someone, so who better than the very person who apparently DID give me good luck! Amy was estatic of course, and advised me to get a blood test. We did this and it was confirmed an hour later....we are having a baby!

Since I've been so irregular, I wasn't able to pinpoint how far along I was at all. I was guessing anywhere from 5-13 weeks. It was very scary to think that I might be even out of my first trimester already, so we made an appt asap. We told our families and just a few close friends and made the first dct's appt. I have heard less than great things about the OB doctors around here so we went to TH to Dr. Sakbun's practice. He felt around on my lower tummy and guessed I was no more than 7-7 1/2 weeks and sent us on our way. No ultrasound or anything. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled about this, nor how quickly we were seen and dismissed, so after careful consideration, we have decided to see Dr. Mahan here in town.

This morning was our first ultrasound...FINALLY. I was so suprised to be able to see the little heart fluttering as soon as the technician put the utltrasound wand-thingy on me. It was absolutely amazing and surreal. He measured the baby to be about 2.2 centimeters at 9 weeks along tomorrow and had us listen to the heartbeat. It became real to me in that moment that there is an actual LIFE inside of me that I'm carrying. I will never, ever forget that feeling. The heartrate was 174 which was on the higher side, but good. They say faster heart beats indicate that the baby is a girl, but we'll see. Truthfully, I've felt like this baby is a girl from the very start, but we would be thrilled for either. I've always felt like I get along so much better with little boys since they are more mild and low-key most of the time. What would I do with a little girl??! Probably turn her into a divalicious drama-queen :)

I've had waves of nausea and I have to eat all the time or I feel very sick. I've only thrown up once and it was because I didn't wake up and have something to eat right away. I'm tired a lot. More tired than I've ever been in my life, but I've read that's to be expected in the first trimester. Plus, with being anemic, I'm really going to have to watch myself and be careful with that. I've been eating very healthy for me. I'm eating lots of fruit and veggies, good breakfasts and drinking a ton of water. I've had a small cup of hot tea about every other day to break up my constant water habit a bit, but since I rarely ever drink soda, I shouldn't have an issue with cutting that out completely. I've had some ice cream and a piece of cake, but other than that, little sweets. It's strange, I think so much about every morsel I consume going directly to this baby and it stops me from wanting crappy foods. I keep dried fruit, granola bars, cheese and crackers on me at all times. Thankfully, when I start feeling queasy, snacking on these things usually stops it immediatley.

Everyone has been so wonderful about this so far, especially Joshua. I thank God daily that I have a husband like him to experience this with. It's something we both have wanted for so long and now it's finally happening. He's been incredibly attentive, wonderful, and nothing short of everything I knew he would be during this time. It's like he is his usual self, but enhanced :) This child is going to have an incredible big brother, which I'm so thankful for and great family members who love it unconditionally. I could not be happier or in a better place in my life for this to happen.

I want to write down everything I experience during this pregnancy, so that I can look back and remember it all. There is so much to think about, plan, do, etc and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. I want to relax and enjoy this time as much as possible. Right now, my thoughts are consumed with questions like, what if I'm not a good mother? What if I do something to mess up their life? What if they aren't a good person when they grow up? How can I make sure they love themselves and are confident...especially if this baby is a girl. I'm so so so scared I'm going to do something wrong and there will be irreputable damage to their life. I want this child to grow up differently than I did. MUCH differently. I want the baby to see how much Josh and I love each other and love him or her. I want them to love music, life, God, family, try everything and be inspired. I want them to have big dreams and actually go after them. I want them to be driven, good-hearted, soulful people. I say them because I want to have more than one. For now, right this second, I just want this baby to be healthy and happy. All that other stuff will come, I'm sure. I don't know how you help to mold your child into a good, well-balanced person because I feel like I learned that on my own for the most part. I guess you just do your best and that's all anyone can do. And I won't have to do it on my own, which is so reassuring. I just want this child to have better and be better than me.

So, sometime around June 21st this baby (a Gemini or Cancer, right on the cusp!) we will be bringing a new life into the world. A little Seprodi. I had convinced myself that maybe this couldn't happen; that I wasn't meant to carry a child for whatever reason and now this blessing. I still can't quite believe it, but I'm overjoyed :)